A lot has been going on in my real life which has been forced by my virtual one. And yes, some parts of the online me has been affected by the real world that enveloped this bitch. So changes have to be made A.S.A.P. and shifts have to be witnessed, regardless of how painful, how new and how un-ready I am to watch it.
Firstly, my son opted not to go to the premier university. Barely 17, he’s already arguing three times more eloquently and meanly that me at that age. And he’s a BOY! So that’s kinda big kick in the face. Instead, oh, my dear baby! He chose another great university where he could come home every weekend to secure Mom’s laundry assistance services. Ugh. But like I told him, learn to make wise decisions and stand by them. Never forget that people and relationships aren’t permanent, but life direction IS. College is that 4-year gate towards being totally – as in TOTAL – on your own. You didn’t fail my expectations of you; you will only fail me if you fail your expectations for yourself.
Yeah, so much drama. Because I live for that. And so he’s not going to the university I dreamed for him. Ouch. The bigger blow was that I have already prepped myself for separation anxiety. Now how would I experience that if he’s home every Friday evening?!?!
OK. This was about resolutions. So here’s mine after the three months of the year is almost over and done with. Because I desperately need to redirect and recharge and reinvent and revive this and that and a lot of other things besides.
1. Stop looking at my eldest son as a baby. He’s ready for the world out there, even a heartbreak, sex, booze and making bad choices. Instead, let him live after he’s had doses of life’s lessons from me as a mother – and as a bitchy one! A mother’s love is never less just because you let the kids fly. That’s when faith and prayers grow stronger, Ruzanne.
2. When you married that guy, he’s also your responsibility. But that doesn’t make you his mother.
So let him be the husband. Love him more with every push for improvement. Let him know it. Stop whacking away at the PC keyboard when he’s still awake. Deserve the love and attention you get from him. Wear his shoes more often.
3. Write just four hours a day, no more and no less. And after that, be a mother, a wife, a friend, learn, research, eat, cook, rest, watch TV and stay healthy. No point earning and caring to help others if I’d spend another $400 for hospital bills.
4. Hang that “manager” placard on my chest every hour that I’m awake. Mean it when you say no excuses. Turn on the “play” button when you have to treat workers as workers, even if they’re family, your closest friends or individuals with the most delicate senses. Live you position so that others will truly learn. If they don’t kick them out.
5. Continue expressing gratitude to the Joni, Kirby and Alta because they NEVER gave me any problem with assignments. Tell the rest they need to keep up or get lost. And don’t cross your fingers they won’t read this because they will. Sometimes, they have to know you mean business when it comes to business.
6. Talk to the little one more often. That way, he stops thinking he’s part of that crazy line of animated heroes and Disney characters. Allow the three-year-old to explore even the deepest point where his finger could fit into my nose. Hug him longer for every nice thing he has done, and laugh louder than he does even if I don’t know what’s funny. And yes, don’t miss the bedtime serenade of Frank Sinatra songs because it’s your sweetest moment with the growing child. Pretty soon, you’d be dealing with separation anxiety when he’s off to college!
7. REALLY live healthy at realistic levels. Low salt, low fat and low carb meals only. An hour a day of walking or sweating out, whichever fits you. Don’t overwork on crazy exercises because your heart, as it turns out, is a club or spade! You don’t have to experience the shock of cutting off the nic. Just cut the habit by half in the next two months, then more on the following months… until finally you have things in order. (Some information are best kept when no elaborations are made, even if I’m being honest here.)
8. Spend more time with my mom and siblings. Because they’re the ones who really make me sane, needed, FULLY loved and understood, really treated as a sister and daughter… and acknowledge their endless prayers for me. And have more fun with my brothers and nephews. And with the few true friends in life. Away with toxic people and situations.
9. Find time for myself. That’s why I booked tickets to a paradise for backpackers. And in two weeks, I am ready to splurge on a trip I’ve always dreamed to take on… ALONE!
Just keep these nine important points and live by them. They’re what keeps you happy, secure and content. They’re your passions and your dreams. They’re your steps toward that life goal. 🙂